when primal meets vegan: "cake balls"

Yesterday it was my friend's birthday. We were going to do a get together with drinks and desserts. I really wanted to make him something specific he wanted, but he just kept being all real, talking about how my presence was enough, blah blah blah.

THIS GUY. 7 years ago.

ANYWAY, I decided I would try to make something vegan in addition to being primal for my vegan friend. This is what he looks like, also 7 years ago. Yeah, dad's gonna be so upset with me.

Sorry, dad. The only reason I added these photos is because I conveniently had them in a desktop folder to share when I recently copied them off my external hard drive.

You would think vegan combined with primal basically means to eat leaves and some tree bark. But you, my dear, are incorrect, it does not! So I was searching for recipes. A lot. Because I didn't have a lot of time to experiment. I had, maybe, an hour to figure something out before my pre-party plans began (not involving drinking, by the way, who do you think I am?). It was getting really challenging, so I decided to take a simple vegan recipe and just primalize it. Yeah I just made that word up. I found this chocolate cake recipe that looked fairly simple. So I went for it. It came out really yummy smelling and tasting (my mouth might be burnt). Then shit got crazy. They fell apart. It was messy. It's a funny story which you should ask me about when you see me next (in real life). Normally I curl up in a ball and cry until I'm dehydrated when things like this happen to me in the kitchen because I'm really perfect and never do anything wrong (oh haaayyy sarcasm). I was like, well, my options are to serve people cupcakes they can't even hold, let alone pick up, or serve cake crumbs in a bowl with a community spoon. I came up with something better: cake balls. I've never made these stupid things before, because they're trendy and silly, and a smaller, stupider version of cup cakes. No offense. Actually, take offense, I don't really mind--I don't like cupcakes. And I know I've cursed myself for life, cupcakes are out to get me, and every time I make them something goes wrong ever since I went around preaching how much I hate them. ANYWAY, back to cake balls. I pulled out my stand mixer to whip up some vegan/primal frosting (yeah, whip up, like it's that easy to make frosting primal AND vegan). I realized I didn't have, like, anything, to make this frosting with. But, thankfully I'm perfect, and genius (and rich), because I decided nut butter would work out super well. The still warm chocolate chunks in the cake, combined with peanut butter, made a fantastic glue to hold together these super rich vegan AND primal cake balls!

Mistake Spiced Chocolate Peanut Butter Cake Balls
(Vegan and primal subs)

1 1/2 c flour of choice (AP for just vegan, or almond for primal)

1 c granulated sugar of choice (I used sucanat)

1/4 c raw 100% cacao powder (or cocoa)

1 t baking soda (check your labels for corn if primal)
1 t cinnamon (optional)
1/4 t ginger (optional)
1/4 t cloves (optional)
1/2 t nutmeg (optional)
1/8 t cayenne pepper (optional)

1/2 t sea salt

1/3 c coconut oil (you can sub any oil if you're unconcerned)

1 t vanilla extract

1 t balsamic vinegar

1 c water

1/2 c chunks/chips of dark chocolate (check labels for dairy, whey and casein if vegan)

1/2 c, give or take, nut butter

Oven at 350. You know the drill. Prep about 10 muffin tins.

Melt your coconut oil in a medium size mixing bowl. Add the vanilla extract, balsamic vinegar, and water. In another bowl, whisk together the flour, sweetener, cacao, baking soda, spices, and salt. Sift if you find it necessary.

Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients. Add the chocolate chunks. If you are using a substitute flour, you can mix as much as you want, but if you used AP flour, mix just until combined.

Portion into muffins tins (I got 10 cupcakes out of this). Bake for 20-25 minutes. Alternatively, you could use a cake pan or loaf pan. A 9x5 loaf pan would probably take about 45 minutes. Your call, batman.

Let the cake cool for at least 15 minutes and experience the amazing crumbling action that is this disastrous cake. Actually, I'm sure you could pull this off in a cake pan or loaf pan as a real cake if you let it cool completely and didn't care about presentation. Also, if you aren't vegan, throw an egg in there if you're going for real cake and not balls.

Now, I was short on time, so I mixed my ball batter together while the ingredients were still warm which created a dense, smooth cake ball. If you had time, and wanted lighter, more cake-like balls, I would recommend cooling the crumbles for as long as you can, preferably overnight, and mixing lightly.

Throw the peanut butter in there. Mix it all up. Use a disher to form portions, then roll in your hands. Store in the fridge, or alternatively, freeze, then let sit for about 10 minutes before dipping in melted chocolate.

Biscuits (Primal/Paleo)

This morning, I woke up thinking about attempting samoa cookies primally. I was going to do some preliminary research to concoct my own recipe, but a quick google search yielded a recipe on Pinterest. Then I spent way too much time looking at Primal recipes on Pinterest. I really wanted to make some fig newtons for hubs, but didn't have one of the ingredients. Things evolved and I decided satisfying my baking urge at 10am would be better (somehow) if it could at least be called breakfast. Then I spent a long time looking at more recipes of scones and muffins. I came across a few biscuit recipes and decided biscuit sandwiches with runny eggs and crisp bacon sounded good. It didn't quite turn out that way... but delicious, nonetheless. I used a recipe from Elana's Pantry. The only things I changed were halving it, using almond meal instead of flour, maple syrup instead of agave nectar, and real butter.

Primal Biscuits


1 1/4 c blanched almond meal (make your own)
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
2 Tablespoons butter, cold
1 egg

1 teaspoon maple syrup or sweetener of choice

I made some almond meal in the food processor (and woke hubs up), then whisked it together with the salt and baking soda. I mixed the egg up in a separate bowl, plopped the egg and syrup in, then added the dry ingredients. I used a fork to mash the butter into the almond meal until things were combined, but specks of butter were still visible. 

I rolled it out to about an inch thickness between two silicone baking mats, then cut the biscuits. Be careful when you transfer them, they are pretty delicate with the meal. Into a 350 degree oven for 10-15 minutes. 

This only made about 3 biscuits for me. They were pretty delicate, and not suitable for my original intention of using them to make little breakfast sandwiches. Instead, we had them alongside eggs and bacon. They were delicious! I think next time I'd try using maybe 1/2 cup of coconut flour in lieu of some of the almond meal. They seemed kind of scone-like, which was the best of both worlds for me.

Primal update - 12 days in!

We're 12 days into doing the Primal Challenge (me on Modern Primal Tribe thanks to the wonderful Elyse) and... WOW. I feel fantastic. I felt fantastic on, like, day two. Sooo... yeah. I mean increased happiness, increased body happiness, increased energy, increased excitement for food, etc, etc. After two days, sugar cravings became basically nonexistent. When they do pop up, I only crave dark chocolate for the most part, which is totally Primal. I feel a steady arch of energy throughout the day--there are no ups and downs. I feel less aches and pains. I feel more present, and in control. I want to emphasize this is because I'm actually getting and absorbing the nutrients my body requires (bioavailability, kids!). For those of you more concerned with qualitative results: after one week, I had lost over 5 pounds and over 3 inches.

Here's what I wrote on the day of the first week's end/weigh in:

"-So much energy. Constant arc of energy throughout day. FEELS FANTASTIC.
-Emotional well being above average. Can't say that is just Primal, though, because I was feeling that way the week or two before it as well.
-Didn't have any grains, legumes, wine, coffee, etc.
-Not much fruit for me (less than normal--actually had to convince myself to eat berries every once in a while).
-So many vegetables. More than normal. Which is insane. Went through all FC veggies + carrots/celery/green beans from grocery store + 3 lb bag broccoli + 3 lb bag brussel sprouts + pillow size bag of kale + bag of 4 peppers
-More meat!! Sooo much more meat than I normally eat. Actually starting to enjoy it, too, within the past 2 days. [note: craving meat now... haha.. first time ever?]
-Figured out a breakfast plan that actually works for me... FINALLY! Simply put, no breakfast. I do fantastic with my first meal just being lunch. [It feels awesome finally not feeling guilty about not wanting to eat breakfast!]
-Enjoying food more because of only eating when I'm hungry instead of eating when I think I "should".
-Ate less dairy (no milk because no coffee/not much yogurt).
-Walked 6 hrs 40 min as a minimum.
-Danced/did yard work.
-Did better at actually eating when I'm alone.
-Lost 5.2 pounds and 3.44 inches"

Honestly, I could not care less about the weight/inches, thing. Anyone who knows me knows I love who I am in my body/what I look like, but I just want to feel good. I never thought feeling good could feel so...great! Hahah. It sounds silly, but honestly, this is amazing. And anytime something non-primal comes up, I'm making a conscious decision not to have it based on the fact that nothing tastes good enough to feel that shitty! It's an easy decision, and one I'm excited to make. Plus, once the challenge is over, I will, every once in a while, indulge in something non-primal (80/20!). But, more excitingly, I will get to try my hand at some primal baking every once in a while! SUPER excited.

This is making me so much more excited to be in the kitchen. I'm cooking ALL THE TIME. And I am absolutely loving turning things Primal. I absolutely love making things from scratch, so with the added of challenge of making them Primal, I'm basically more excited than ever in the kitchen. Primal versions of things have been actually tasting better to me than their non-primal equivalents. Fajitas, lasagna, tacos, etc, all taste better to me when I make them primally.

My favorite part is that it's not a stupid diet. It's not a New Year's resolution. It's not a strict plan full of exhausting rules, guilt, and exhausting exercise routines. It's not set up for failure. It's a simple, forgiving, no guilt, logically-sound lifestyle change.

*This post almost sounds like I just joined a cult. I'm totally ok with that. It doesn't even come close to matching my excitement/satisfaction:) So, a big thank you to our cult leader, Elyse, for introducing me;)